A prolonged period of personal growth and reflection has enabled me to gain clarity that although I may well have characteristics that are not very helpful, I also know that they do not define who I am. I can embrace the impact those characteristics have on my life, without giving in into them.
It is like experiencing a storm. The storm is there, it is happening, however I am not the storm. I just need to learn how to manage it in all different areas of my life.
Working life
For years I enjoyed my job. I then reached the point when the more I had, the more I wanted – there was an underlying sense of dissatisfaction which prevented me from really appreciating what I had.
Family life and friendships
Eventhough my husband and I lived in the same house, past life events were at the source of emotional distance. There was a level of pretence in the quality of our relationship. I loved my role as a mother to Paul and Mark. What impacted the quality of motherhood though, was my fear of not being good enough. This thought was always at the back of my mind.
In additon, my feelings of resentment, bitterness, unfairness had been clouding my relationship with my original family.
What also got in the way of the quality of my friendships was the fear of inadequacy and continuous comparison.
And so on…….. To me that was normal. This is the way life is, I would say to myslef. This went on until I decided that there had to be more to life, it had become boring and monotonous …….. This was the moment I said:
Enough is enough!
I had reached the point when I became curious and considered whether something else was possible. What are the alternatives to what I am doing now? could I really change the status quo? New ideas started popping up in my head and started to see things I had never seen before.
With this new level of awareness I started to relate to myself and my situation differently. The circumstances ramained the same, what had changed was the way I viewed them.
What I thought to be the reality, was just the result of my own imagination. I had created my own soap opera and I was the main character.
The “eureka” moment!
I realised that there are two possible worlds. The world of a what is predictable and the possibility of something else. I was gaining the ability and power to separate these two worlds and also realising that it is in the separation of these two worlds that life happens. It is therefore up to each one of us to choose between the two and learn to honour our vulnerability.
I became aware that I had become what I hated the most in myself! Being a complainer. I complained about everything and the more I tried not to complain, the more I complained. It was so frustrating and debilitating.
The moment I accepted that although my complaints were valid, I was blaming something outside of me for my experiences. As soon as I took responsibility for them and recognised that I was at the source of my complaints, something else became available.
I also discovered the power of words. The type of language I used and how I communicated my complaints, both to myself and others, were the linchpins in the quality of my life. I had something valid to communicate, however the choice of words and the way I communicated caused the misunderstanding and conflict in my communication.
The rollercosater of life
I experience freedom, love and compassion for myself and my fellow human beings when the choice of words I use to express myself match my values and what matters to me. This of course does not mean that it’s always comfortable or the way I would prefer life to be – on the contrary – so often circumstances are challenging and unpredictable.
Let’s reflect to what has happened in recent years, as an example. It has been difficult. However, it is in the learning to navigate the difficult circumstances and taking responsibility for our actions or inaction, that is becomes possible to find the power and resilience to avoid being a victim of the circumstances we find ourselves in.
Long term commitment
I believe that forgiveness, love, compassion, gratitude and courage are part of the language of the heart. The use of the language of the heart, together with the intelligence of the brain – that consists in the practical application of what works in reality – provide the vehicles to create a rich life that is worth living.
Final observation
The type of suffering I am referring to in what has become my mantra, is not to be confused with suffering caused by loss or trauma or pain. I would consider them painful emotions that must be honoured and acknowledged with love and compassion.
The suffering I am referring to in my quote is based on expectations of how things should be rather than how they are and are based on dissatisfaction and negative emotions. I now recognise that the suffering comes from how I interpret the circumstances rather than the facts of what is happening.
If this line of thoughts resonates with you, why not download my ebook – Your Life Is In Your Hands on the resource page of this website.
Finally, I wish you a Great Life.
With Love and Connection