Another barrier demolished — a belief that quietly robbed me of self-expression and fulfilment
It has cost me money, energy, and success. But most of all, it cost me me.
I was a teenager, growing up in a small village. One day, I went to play with a friend whose family lived in a large, well-kept house. My mother worked there as their cleaning lady. As I stepped inside, the first thing I noticed was the floor — so clean it sparkled.
The polished floor reflected the light like a mirror. Nearby, the water in the bucket—where my mum had just rinsed the mop—was clean.
I looked at the floor…
then the bucket…
then back again.
And I felt a deep pride:
“My mum is doing an amazing job.”
But then, without warning, another voice crept in:
“I could never do what she does. Being a servant is not what I want to do.”
That thought seemed protective at the time — a way to carve out a different future.
But it planted a seed I wouldn’t understand for decades.
In that moment, I made a decision — quietly, unconsciously, but decisively.
I would never do what she does;
I would never be a servant;
I told myself I didn’t have the qualities for that kind of work, and I didn’t want them.
What I didn’t realise then is that I wasn’t just rejecting a job — I was rejecting a part of myself.
That thirteen-year-old couldn’t yet distinguish between doing and being. My mother may have been cleaning floors, but who she was while doing it was extraordinary. She could hardly read or write, yet she was wise, intelligent, professional, committed, and deeply sensitive; she served with dignity, presence, and care; she wasn’t less than. She was more than I could comprehend at that age.
That childhood decision — a defining moment — became a silent script in my life. It shaped my beliefs about service, worth, and success. For decades, being “of service” quietly equated to being “less than.” I have held back from roles, actions, and expressions that felt too close to that old idea. And yet, I have always felt a pull — a yearning — because being of service is actually one of my deepest, most authentic values.
Now, decades later, I’ve seen the impact of that decision — and I’ve taken my power back.
Beliefs Are Born in Moments – and Can Be Rewritten in Moments, Too
What I’ve come to understand — and what I have already explored in my book Defining Moments: Reclaim Your Power and Live the Life You Love — is that we all carry beliefs shaped by moments like this. Often small and seemingly insignificant, these moments leave an imprint. This is another such moment. Another hidden barrier revealed and demolished.
We make decisions to stay safe, to be accepted, to avoid pain and embarrassment — and those decisions silently direct our actions and shape our lives for years or even decades.
But the truth is that frustration, dissatisfaction, or lack of self-expression, are not random. They are signals — symptoms of beliefs that no longer serve us. Beliefs that once protected us, now limit us.
And the way to break free is not by reliving the drama or retraumatizing ourselves. It’s by becoming aware of the moment we made the choice, and reclaiming the power we unknowingly gave away.
Now That I See It… I Get to Choose
Now that I have identified another limiting belief for what it is — not a truth, just a decision I made as a teenager — I have cleaned the slate.
Now I have the opportunity to recreate my relationship with service:
Not as subservience, but as contribution;
not as weakness, but as strength;
not as a limitation, but as a liberation.
My mother didn’t just clean floors — she raised the standard of the space she touched.
Now, so do I — with my words, my work, and my presence.
What’s Your Defining Moment?
If any part of this story resonates with you, I invite you to reflect:
- Is there a belief you’ve carried since childhood that might be silently shaping your life?
- Is it still serving you? Or is it time to let it go?
- What new choice becomes possible from a clean slate?
These questions are at the heart of Defining Moments. It’s not about revisiting old wounds — it’s about reclaiming your power and writing your own story, consciously and fully.
We can’t change the past, but we can change the meaning we gave to it.
And in doing that, we change everything.
Ready to explore your own defining moments? My book, Defining Moments – Reclaim Your Power & Live The Life You Love, is more than just my story—it’s a tool for self-reflection, offering clarity, insight, and the power to reclaim your life. This transformative autobiography invites readers on a journey through pivotal life moments, using my personal experiences to guide you in exploring your own defining moments. It’s not just a memoir—it’s a guide filled with actionable insights for personal growth, helping you shape your future with intention. Find your copy here.